How Do You Know if Someone Wants Something From You

Jorge'south relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Allow his trial and error exist your success (hopefully).

Can you tell when a friend is using you? Sometimes it can be difficult to tell. This article walks you through the 11 signs your friend is a user. — Can yous tell when a friend is using you? Sometimes information technology can be hard to tell. This article walks you through the eleven signs your friend is a user.

Is My Friend Using Me?

It hurts to realize that someone you lot considered close is using yous and that they don't actually desire to exist a real friend. In situations like these, it's like shooting fish in a barrel to shy away from the truth at first, ignoring the signs and living in a state of deprival. The fact of the matter is that until you face the situation and truly accept a deep await at your friend'southward behavior, aught can improve.

Practise you lot get a sinking feeling that your friend doesn't even actually like you lot that much? Don't experience as well bad about it. Some people are actually quite incapable of a existent friendship, and they don't know how to do anything else besides utilize people.

If you suspect that one of your friends fits this description, take a look at the signs and strategies for confronting the wrong-doer. This commodity covers the following 11 key signs that your friend is a user:

Your friend doesn't telephone call you unless they need something
They do everything they can to do equally fiddling as possible
They never seem to think of you
Your friend knows surprisingly little almost y'all
They speak poorly of you to others
When you accept a crisis, they disappear
Y'all only hang out with them under specific circumstances
They become pushy or manipulative if you lot don't give them what they desire
They've told yous that they're using you
They ever need to be in charge
They know all of your buttons and push button them accordingly

1. Your Friend Doesn't Phone call Y'all Unless They Need Something

If your friend is using y'all, the most glaring sign is that they don't contact you unless they specifically need something. It may not be obvious at first what they need, since they may be self-aware enough to obscure their intentions.

For example, maybe your friend calls to hang out with you. They spend a few hours with you, and sometime during the run into, they mention a trouble that they have. Perhaps their car broke downwardly, maybe they need to cut down an overgrown tree in their front end yard, or maybe they are brusque on laundry coin.

An expert user won't ask you for anything up front. They will build some rapport, then mention the trouble. Before y'all know it, you lot might be offer to give them a ride to work, to barbarous their tree with your chainsaw, or to let them use your washer and dryer.

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with doing favors for your friends—that'southward function of friendship! The problem begins when your friend wants something from you virtually every time they see you.

"Happy Holidays. It's a box of mini-candles because I just realized that I don't actually know you or what you like." — "Happy Holidays. It's a box of mini-candles because I just realized that I don't actually know y'all or what you like."

2. They Do Everything They Can to Give You as Picayune equally Possible

When someone is using you, the whole indicate of the "friendship" is that they get more out of it than y'all practise. If they're reciprocating also much, or worse, if they're giving more than you are then they are going confronting their calendar. You definitely take to requite more over the long-term for them to "profit" from your relationship.

First, notice whether they're willing to offer the same kinds of favors that they need from y'all. Almost solid friendships involve people helping each other, even if it's inconvenient at times. Are you the but one who is going out of your mode, though?

Don't ask for anything outrageous; simply test to encounter if they'll hold to something on the same level every bit what they tend to inquire y'all for. If they consistently deny helping you, or they even seem bothered that you asked, this is a bad sign.

Worse still, sometimes they may grudgingly comply with your requests, but they won't exist interested in actually solving your trouble considering they're merely trying to appease you for reasons of advent.

For case, maybe your bicycle snapped in half and now y'all demand a way to ride to work. Instead of actually trying to solve the problem past giving you a ride or a motorcoach ticket, your friend offers you a rusty old bike with flat tires that has been sitting in their garage for half a century.

3. They Never Seem to Think of You

Unless they demand something from you lot, they never seem to think virtually you. They don't tend to say, "Oh, I heard this one vocal that I call back y'all'll like!"; they don't tend to phone call yous during the holidays; they don't tend to bring back gifts for you when they proceed a trip.

Yous're low on their priority list, and they hardly ever think about you...unless they're thinking about how to get something out of you lot. Friends who are using y'all are virtually e'er inconsiderate.

4. Your Friend Knows Surprisingly Little Near You

Another sign that someone is using you is simply that they don't really intendance to get to know yous. After all, it'south not yous they care about in the first place.

If your "friend" doesn't seem to pay much attention to what you lot have to say, forgets important things most you lot, and overall just seems uninterested, and so obviously they must be hanging out with you for some other reason.

This goes beyond being simply forgetful.

5. They Speak Poorly of You lot to Others

Information technology'southward truthful that some people simply tin't finish themselves from gossiping. It's like an addiction.

One of the hallmarks of a user, though, is that they won't retrieve twice about throwing you lot under the autobus. They'll speak poorly of you when yous're not effectually considering they don't actually care most your reputation.

Anyway, if they have tons of complaints virtually you, and all the same yet hang around, so conspicuously they're not friends with you lot for your beautiful personality.

half-dozen. When You Accept a Crisis, They Disappear

Did something suddenly derail your life and you lot demand some support? Sometimes information technology's not fifty-fifty about money or resources—on occasion, we may just need someone to talk to when our world is crashing down.

When something tragic happens, does your friend prove up for y'all? Or do you hear zippo but crickets chirping?

It's 1 thing if you're a Negative Ned and are always lament about every trivial thing in your life—that would drive anyone away. Only if y'all're a reasonably positive person who is having an emergency, you should be able to await a real friend to sympathize.

seven. You lot Just Hang Out With Them Under Specific Circumstances

Sometimes the fact that your friend is using you can exist obscured by circumstances. For example, peradventure you only ever meet each other when yous're going out to your favorite nightclub. In this situation, if they were using you lot for your social status considering you are popular and it makes them look good to be seen with you, it may be hard to tell.

Switch things upward a bit. Meet if your buddy is willing to hang alone or do something that's totally different from what you usually do. Unless information technology's an action that your friend hates, they should be happy to spend time with you lot—if they actually similar yous.

8. They Go Pushy or Manipulative If You Don't Requite Them What They Desire

Proficient friends empathise boundaries. Crappy friends who simply want to use you for resource might get angry if you lot don't requite in to their requests. Often, they may fifty-fifty try to manipulate you past guilt-tripping, or maxim things like, "I thought you were my friend!" when you tell them no.

Picket out for this controlling behavior. Real friends respect your gratis will and they'll similar you even if you take null besides your friendship to give.

9. They've Told You lot That They're Using You

This may seem way likewise obvious, just sometimes information technology's non. Many times a friend who is using yous will disguise their ain confession equally an apology.

They'll say something like, "I know I keep asking for stuff. It seems like I merely always call you when I need something, I know. I'm sorry." If someone tells you this, but doesn't make any effort to change the style that they approach your friendship, then they've basically told y'all themselves that they're using you. Listen to them!

10. They Always Need to Be in Charge

Your friend's unwillingness to set aside their own your indicate-of-view for a moment to see yours is a common pattern of beliefs in someone who is looking to double-cantankerous you. These people usually have a compulsive need to remain in their means even if a logical way in why things should be washed differently is presented. Often times you volition be punished for not complying with your friend's wishes.

11. They Know All of Your Buttons and Push Them Accordingly

Deceitful friends start out equally someone who was interested in getting to know you and volition present themselves as beingness concerned with your overall well-being. That is until the opportunity to get over on yous appears. When this happens, don't be surprised when they use your insecurities or other sensitive information confronting y'all. Emotional manipulators have a good awareness of your emotions and will apace use them against you.

Characterize people by their deportment and you will never be fooled by their words.

— Anonymous

How to Confront Your Manipulative Friend

At that place are productive means to face up someone who has been using yous over the course of your friendship. Below are some helpful tips to help terminate the cycle of exploitation.

Stay At-home: Exist on baby-sit without beingness defensive. Acrimony keeps you lot from being levelheaded, and that might exist a part of your friend's programme. Try not to call your friend's graphic symbol into attention. For example, instead of calling them a "liar," say that you "disagree with their position." Adopt a global perspective, and examine the situation from all angles.
Resist/Be Directly: Cease existence baited any further. Inform your friend that you have noticed an ongoing pattern in the way they care for you. Allow them a take chances to conspicuously articulate their thoughts and intentions on the matter.
Stick Up for Yourself: Be firm, trust your gut, and don't lend excuses or justify your reasoning behind declining to aid with whatever more favors.
Deploy Consequences: It may become necessary to determine and assert certain consequences if the perpetrator refuses to have "no" for an respond and/or insists on continuing to violate your boundaries. Effectively communicating consequences for violations can help disarm the manipulator and lead them towards positive behavioral changes.

Sometimes Yous Simply Have to Say "No"

There are scenarios where the problem between yous and your friend is just a matter of miscommunication. Sometimes friends don't intentionally use you; they just get used to hearing yous say aye all the time, so they ask for things and might not exist mindful about it.

It takes courage to say no and speak your truth, but you'll always feel at peace with yourself when y'all do. Being able to firmly say no and mean it will also build your confidence and will forbid you from being used in the future. This commodity gives communication on saying no without feeling guilty.

Letting Become of a Bad Friend

After you've confronted your exploitive friend and identified their behavior sometimes information technology is necessary to release yourself from the human relationship completely.

Realize That It Will Be a Procedure: The truth is breaking the mental, physical, or emotional hold that somebody has on yous is non always easy. They didn't respect y'all in the past then why would they now? Prepare for some pushback every bit you lot altitude yourself.
Finish the Relationship Direct: If you can, avoid having your words misconstrued and used against you by having the conversation in person or over the phone. Ask your friend not to contact you lot in a serious, straightforward manner.
Don't Debate / Avoid the Guilt Trips: A part of refusing to buy into the toxic dynamic is by non arguing or fighting with the manipulator. Avert falling into a trap by restating your boundaries, and making it less attractive to continuously pursue yous.
Create Distance: Give yourself some infinite to get used to being away from the person. Wait a few days or weeks before responding to calls and texts, and disregard personal invitations. Get involved in activities that they are less likely to be involved in. If mutual friends ask about your behavior, simply say yous accept been busy. You don't accept to cutting the person off completely, and information technology is okay to be cordial and brand modest-talk if you happen to run into them.

Pro tip: A dog will always be your friend and will never use you—except for treats. — Pro tip: A canis familiaris will ever be your friend and will never use you—except for treats.

Recognizing the Signs of a Bad Friend in the Future

Now that you have stated your demands and created distance between yourself and your friend, it is important to reflect on the lessons that the situation presented. One of the nearly of import takeaways is to non repeat the fault of being caught up in a toxic relationship in the starting time identify. I

t can be hard to make up one's mind if someone intends on taking advantage of you upon kickoff coming together them. Be on the lookout for these mutual traits of exploitive people:

They Great or Insult Others
They Do Not Tell the Total Truth
They Play Innocent or Minimize their Behavior
They Blame Others
They Lack Boundaries and Crowd Your Infinite

A Friend That is Using You is No Friend At All

The basic principle to keep in listen is this: a fake friend who is looking to use you lot will be focused on all the wrong things. Everything in your friendship will be a ways to an finish, and you'll discover that y'all have a difficult time enjoying the moment with them.

A genuine friend, on the other hand, volition never hold the friendship hostage to conditions. Since they like you for who you are, even if your external life circumstances change—like your social status, your income, or your youthful glow—they will still intendance almost you lot nonetheless.

In that sense, y'all could say that a true friendship is unconditional, merely a "friendship" with a user is highly conditional. After all, when a friend is using y'all, they simply desire to go something out of you. Anything else in the friendship is at best a lark from the ultimate goal, and they may even be frustrated with your pleasantries.

Then exist picky with who y'all spend your time with. Don't waste product your life entertaining people who but want to apply you lot. That time is much better spent forging real bonds with people who dearest you for who yous are.

This content is authentic and true to the best of the author'southward knowledge and is non meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: How tin can I stop my friend from using me?

Answer: Yous tin can't make anyone do annihilation. Every bit implied in the commodity, if someone is using you, that's just their pattern of behavior--they utilize other people, also, probably.

The all-time you can do is accept them for who they are, and then altitude yourself from them. In that location are plenty of other people in the world to be friends with.

Question: How do I deal with someone who just wants to hang out when it's convenient?

Respond: If y'all similar hanging out with them, then only hang out when information technology'south convenient for both of you. There is nada wrong with that. If it's never convenient, or you feel like you're the only ane going out of your fashion, and then stop if it bothers you.

Question: I'thousand not the one being used, but I think my best friend is being used by her other friends. I told this to someone else, but they merely assumed I was jealous. How can I tell her without seeming jealous?

Respond: Well, when you talk to her about it, effort to be as non-judgmental and objective equally possible. For example, instead of proverb, "Sally, I think George is using you," you might say, "I'm worried about yous, Emerge. It seems like George only calls yous when he needs a ride to work or wants to borrow money. When was the last time yous two just hung out?"

Only state the facts equally you see them, and permit the other person draw their conclusion. Don't forcefulness the decision "He's using y'all!" on her, and she'll be more likely to heed.

Question: How do I walk away from a person that only cares about what I can exercise for them?

Answer: No, but seriously, you might want to sit down down somewhere quiet and call up deeply about why yous experience that y'all "need" them in your life. What is information technology that keeps drawing you back? Sometimes we develop weird patterns with people. For case, sometimes we might be co-dependent and not realize it, and a part of usa enjoys beingness with a selfish person because we feel needed.

In your situation, I don't know, of course. There's not a whole not of context there for me to go off of.

Sam on May 23, 2019:

In grade,my seat got moved because I talked to much with my friend, I was moved side by side to this "nice" guy named Ryan.He was squeamish to me and we got on very well, we had been friends for about a month and I realized something. I was starting to get a crush on him, but he liked my all-time friend Molly. I didn't know what to do at first. Just and then I noticed something, it seemed like he was only request me things about Molly instead of just talking to me. At beginning I thought this is completely normal, I hateful who wouldn't inquire things about their crush? Since I become done to the office with Molly and my other friend Claire for part helper, he kept asking me to talk to Molly virtually him and see if she liked him. Then he would only text me asking near what Molly says and seeing if I can email someone for him. He never speaks to me in other classes, and I'm in all his classes! And whenever he's with his friends he pretends I don't exist. I really wish information technology could exist anything only truthful that he's using me, simply everything he does is in this article. And the worst function is that I still love him.....

Toki on April 17, 2019:

I take a "friend" that doesn't fit all the signs but 1 or ii really stood out. I'k sharing this to illustrate that while sometimes what your friends practise may not seem terrible, if it leaves a sour gustation in your rima oris, your probably right about them.

ane. We would just hang out at her house or run her eerands.

2. Never enquire what I had to practice, or tell me what we were doing or asked me what I wanted to do(about stole me and drove me twoscore min abroad in traffic for an eerand)

3. I Felt like she never wanted to be alone.

4. Asked to use my washer and dryer several times.

5. Would ask for help cleaning her apt.

6. After her new roommate moved in she kind of dumped me. (Fyi I actually like her roommate she is very sweet)

vii. Only asked to hang when her roomie is busy.

ix. Chosen me awkward resently.

The terminal straw

About 2 months ago I thought I was having lunch with my friend and her roomie earlier she left on her trip. I was incorrect, we ended upward getting weed for her roomie cause she had lost her ID and they needed another person to get it!! I am very helpful and I would have done it if she enquire, simply it simply got dumped on me. It was the first time we had hung out in months. I also found out in the motorcar ride that they had plans to become clubing together that week. I never felt so left out and abused.

I went dwelling after that and have not spoken to her sense. There were other things as well I could point out but wont. I was in denial about it before but writing this has affirmed that she is better out of my life.

Im still injure by her deportment and am choosing to ingore her if she always calls and non tell her im moving out of the state. I honestley deceit take the disappointment. I hope this will help anyone who is in this position.

yanoosh on Apr 05, 2019:

To me, used in a friendship is like a paradox. When ane is 'used' in a friendship they are really 'abused'. And when one is 'used' in a friendship, they are not in a friendship. They are the prey of a predator. I tin pray for it to be not true. I can pray for it to alter if I know its true. If its not true, great! If it changes for the amend from where it was, great! If not, I pray for protection and healing. So I shall be vacated of their company.

hannah. on March 28, 2019:

i have a hard fourth dimension saying no to things. i've spent $200 on my girlfriend before at the mall, my christmas money was completely gone after that. in schoolhouse, everyone steps all over me- but of class i simply allow it all happen. they all seem to call up that i'1000 not a man with feelings, 1 girl called me an emotionless robot.

... on March xix, 2019:

I just realised that I've subconsciously been using my friend, I have no bad intentions towards them, or want them to exist used. Simply I noticed that I've been using them, they exercise as well and I regret my actions. Simply it's also late, they hate me now. What do I do?

Fred on March 01, 2019:

My friend of 5 years lost his job, his car, his house. He has a bad back and tin can't work. I am his only friend. I found him a inexpensive room he tin afford on his social security income. I drive him to the doctors, shopping for food, haircuts, picking up prescriptions, I get his mail at my house and deliver information technology to him. I have to see him 3-5 hours a day upwards to four times a week! He has no family and he is bi-polar. How can I put a cease to this without letting him starve to decease?

; on February 24, 2019:

My friend has lost all respect for me. I want to break off our friendship How practice I do it nicely?

lisahttps://pairedlife.com/friendship/9-Signs-Someone-is-Using-Yous-How-to-Tell-If-Your-Friend-is-Using-You-For-Money-Social-Status-or-Anything-Else# on February 12, 2019:

Yeah, I take a friend that is always selection this up for me, exercise this for me, do that for me. I will pay you Friday. The thing that rubs me incorrect this friend always wants to go to breakfast only NEVER offers to purchase mine when I constantly do things for this person. I give them food I make too. It never occurs to them to do i niggling thing dainty for me.

Jason Judas on January 25, 2019:

My two all-time friends only talks to me when he's in emotional need. They don't say howdy or offer to hang out or play games or go to the movies unless they are doing bad... They don't ask for money but they just talk to me when they are doing bad. Whenever I try to answer their questions they blow my answers off. When I tried to talk about what's going on with me I either get accused of trying to seek attention and/or they bring information technology back fast to their own problems. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to move in with them.

Paul Gould on December 19, 2018:

I've an ex partner that seems ok with me ane min but when i evidence her a text to prove that I'one thousand not lieing i get blamed for playing with her head and it simply kill me inside as all i wonna be is true and she just turns on me

Freya on December xv, 2018:

My friend has done all of these things except maybe one or 2 i confronted him and he said that this website was lying (i even went on to another website he did the same things) and 2 he started bringing things up from ages agone and said to me i was a really skilful friend and he didn't want to lose me equally if even though i really call back he is using me i can't do anything about it he always finds away its kind of getting annoying now he makes other accounts to talk to me every time i block him and persuades me every time that hes not using me delight tell me how to terminate this i know he will say i idea we were over this if i confront him again i deceit really trust whatsoever of my friends now

Anthony on December 08, 2018:

My friend Jake is exactly like that i e'er had a feeling he was using me he made me lose then many friends :c now its payback

Nat on Nov 25, 2018:

I have a brother in police that uses me constantly; he uses me to watch his kids for his "dr's appointments," but it honestly feels like he uses me so he tin go abroad from his kids for awhile. I stay at his business firm, sometimes for days at a time to picket his kids. I don't know a polite style to tell him I don't want to continue doing this.

Kiwi on October 16, 2018:

Thank you for this! Actually helped - corking righting, I wouldn't be surprised if y'all were in a task of journalism or writing of some sort haha.

Have a nice day person who is reading this. :D

Makenzie Morris on October 13, 2018:

i of my friend´s i´ve been best friends with since 3rd grade talked to me the whole last week, and yesterday all of sudden she didn't even talk or hangout with me and then i call back she just might of been hanging around me is because so she tin get answers for other people because she is friends with my cousin and were not that close or anything simply it´south like everytime she wants to talk to me is simply when she needs answers for my cousin and her best friend but i feel used so i need your help please.

aileen on October 10, 2018:

i accept a bff and she, well i call back she is using me... commencement of all, she'southward like

"hey are you gonna get me a present for my birthday?" EVERYTIME, it bugs me and too she's like "hey im simply using you for presents... Merely KIDDING" like dude.. wtf and everytime im with her. she's goes with someone else and tries to stay away from me. and every time i wanna talk to her she'south like "oh what did u say?" i have a feeling she's using me... and im here for her i help her out with her issues.. but nope! seems like she is using me..

Elizabeth on September 20, 2018:

Neighbor - ever asks for things, rides presents and money - I said no for the first time - she volition non reply telephone and I need my apparatus. She is 60 years old and still a child.

anjo on September 18, 2018:

pls dey gossip me and i always think im a fool to trust em

Ella on September xvi, 2018:

A girl in my grade really likes this boy, but the male child likes me, then she said that she wanted to play with me, and me beingness me, not wanting to be rude said okay. A bit later in this 'friendship', she said that she simply hangs out with me because I do what she says. Several times, I tried to hang out with other friends of mine, merely she makes information technology seems similar I am forbidden to hang out with me. I don't want to exist rude, only I been in many... situations where this happened to me. And, after I observe out that happens to me, I get like unsure if I should hang out with others considering I don't desire to become hurt again. I don't know what to do in those situations. I never would want to be rude or mean to others, simply I feel like that daughter is using me considering I am popular at schoolhouse, as to the fact that many people in my school know me although I don't know them. How practice I handle this although I don't want to seem mean or unpolite in any sort of manner? Likewise that, the daughter also is really popular, and the grouping of friends she has is the group of girls that if you lot don't do or upset them in any manner, they make your life miserable. (I know that from experience) like, they beginning rumors about you (Bad rumors), they groovy you, and they make everyone that isn't your adept friend hate yous. Also, she gets really mad if I say that I don't want to practice what she says. Then, she 'gets all upset' and if I still don't submit, she finds someone who will practise what she says. And, when some other girls in her existent friend group come up around, that daughter ignores me and acts like I don't exist. How do I handle this without being rude?

Dan on August xv, 2018:

I have known a woman for over a year now, she was from another state, well to cutting a long story brusk about how we met and non going into besides much details, well not long ago she said she had to get back to her state for something personal and she needed me to ship her coin due to a problem, but on Facebook she looked like she was good and having a great time, and she asked me to send coin, only whenever I text she very rarely replied and merely I made effort to keep in bear on and she did very trivial. What would yous say that is?

Lauren on August eleven, 2018:

Well now I understand what it actually was he used me a picayune chip he never brought me back anything from his trips just it could've been that he doesn't have that much money to spend on anyone he merely comes around when I compliment him similar when I tell him he's sugariness everything is fine it's only when I disagree with him on something he has a problem he really doesn't treat me similar a large priority or a priority at all sometimes all I've e'er asked him for is some fourth dimension with him and that he lets me give him a little love

Lauren on Baronial 04, 2018:

I had a friendship stop recently he made me experience similar I wasn't skilful enough for him maybe I should have explained that to him but I didn't he constantly put his girlfriend first and never made me experience like a priority sure he texted me and gave me support only I know it takes more then that to be a good friend to someone but he wasn't being a good friend to me he put his girlfriend first all the fourth dimension

Daniel on June 21, 2018:

My friend Richard, who i thought was a friend and is actually not. Only calls when he needed assist with his girlfriend. was not there for me when my mum had a heart attack told me to go along my family stuff private, after all i accept done for him and been there for him. he lied to her about me and bad mouthed me. only calls when he needs something, consummate toxic person.

Linda on May 11, 2018:

All i wanted was a friend at school in my class who stands upward for me, keeps you in company, thinks about me, includes me, won't speak bad most me, doesn't ignores me and help me out with whatever bug.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on December 28, 2017:

ten. You're always the ane who pays for everything!

Only as in that location are takers and users sadly at that place are people so desperate for friendships and love that they'll attempt to buy people in order to get them to "like them" or spend time with them.

They give and keep giving until it because painfully obvious this person will never value them. It'southward your job to look out for you!

Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of united states has our ain screening process/must haves list.

'A man can't ride y'all unless your dorsum is bent."

– Martin Luther Rex, Jr.

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Source: https://pairedlife.com/friendship/9-Signs-Someone-is-Using-You-How-to-Tell-If-Your-Friend-is-Using-You-For-Money-Social-Status-or-Anything-Else